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Elizabeth Street


3 Reasons You Might Be Experiencing a "Dry Spell" in Your Marriage

Nov 13, 2013

3 Reasons You Might Be Experiencing a "Dry Spell" in Your Marriage

This post was originally published on Your Tango.

As a sex therapist, I often work with long-term, committed couples struggling with a variety of sexual difficulties. The most common issue is the problem of mismatched sexual desires. The partner who wants sex more often usually ends up feeling rejected, wondering whether their partner still finds them sexually attractive or whether he or she is cheating on the sly. If one partner seems suddenly to have lost interest in sex or is pulling away after years of closeness, the real reasons often have very little to do with attraction or infidelity. Sometimes the problem is blamed on porn, especially if the partner pulling back is a male who was caught consuming or watching it, in lieu of being physically intimate with his partner. However, increased porn viewing is often the symptom, rather than the cause of lack of desire.

Usually, emotional and power dynamics lie at the heart of these situations. One partner uses sex as a way to convey strong emotions that they normally are not comfortable expressing directly. Or they may use it as a weapon to reassert a sense of power and control. By withholding sex, a partner might find a source of leverage that they may otherwise feel they do not possess. 

To find out the three main causes behind your dry spell, click over to Your Tango.

By Dr. Michael Aaron

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